I’ve almost made I don’t know how many posts. But then I discard them.
I have a lot going on in my head.
I’m not depressed. Far from it.
Just tired of putting my thoughts out there to have them stomped on. Or ignored.
I enjoy being single for a myriad of reasons.
I’m a fan of having my own space. I’m tired of being hurt. I love me. I get along with myself quite well. That chick is awesome. I know who I am and what I want. I know what I’m capable of. I enjoy silence. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. I’m happy.
But I’m aware of my aloneness.
I miss having a person to bounce my thoughts off of. To make plans with. Even if those plans are pjs and Netflix for an entire day. I miss sharing my life. I miss making two cups of coffee in the morning. I miss writing random love notes, and writing frivolous cute poems dedicated to the way my partner sleeps. I miss listening. I miss comfortable silences while my partner and I do our own things together. I miss having someone to help me tackle diy projects. I miss hugs. Kisses. Sex. (It’s been a year, and a goddess has needs yo.)
But I fear my kids getting hurt. Again.
And so I ignore the wants and needs and desires. I focus on the kids.
But ignoring doesn’t erase the hope.
I’ve earned a someday, right?
Don’t mind me. I’m just thinking.