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Every now and then, I check out the search terms y’all use to find my blog, because I’m nosy curious.

Which, most of them I can get. The words goddess, Shay, hot air balloons, bucket list, and the such are fairly regular, and understandable. These are things I have written about at least once.

But then, some of y’all make me think like I may need to start seeking help.

By typing things, such as:

writersYet, being a writer, I can totally understand why people think we’re cray. It’s because we are. We talk to people who live inside our heads, and then tell their stories, and sometimes even argue with them about parts of their stories, and then tell the rest of the real world about the people inside of our heads. I get it. We are “cray”. But you love us for it.

And then, some of y’all make me think you need help.

Especially when you search for this and go to my blog instead:

laundryWhat the hell y’all? I don’t even… I mean laundry fucking? Okay, I might be able to accept this, because maybe, just maybe, you meant laundry mat fucking. Or something similar to that. Otherwise, you want to either fuck laundry (which, dude, is that even consensual?) OR you want to watch laundry fucking. Which, you need to change your search terms to “laundry being washed”. Or go to the damn laundry mat and watch the clothes dry humping through the clear dryer window. Come on now, how lazy are you if you have to look that up online?

BUT THEN THERE’S THIS:

gnomesI CAN’T EXPLAIN THIS ONE AWAY. Why do you do me like this?! What do I do with this knowledge?

I keep trying to find ways to make this better, but the mental images just mess my head up and then I have to self medicate with all the wine I have in the house, and then I feel weird FOR you, and then I get these crazy ideas, like, maybe that’s a niche that needs filling! And that I could totally make this happen! AND THEN I NEED A SHOWER. It’s ALL your fault! (Oh god, gnome porn… niches will be getting filled alright.)

I don’t think I should be so nosy curious about my readers anymore. I’m just going to say hello and welcome. I’d hug you but… *pats you on the head* I’m going to look for garden gnomes more wine now.