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I say this in a sardonic way, as these movies still rate in my favorites, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. But I also know that these movies helped me create expectations about real life, that will probably never happen. Maybe. (A Goddess can hope all she wants, so back off!)

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1. Practical Magic

Where hasn’t this movie ruined me? The house, the hair, the magic, the sisterly bond, the crazy but cool aunts, the clothes, the town? I would kill for that house. If I could get away with it. And the person deserved death. And karma wouldn’t come back to bite me for it. That is my dream house. That kitchen alone is swoon worthy. I still have hair envy for Sandra’s hair. I cannot even explain how much I wish I had hair like that. And I don’t care if it is extensions and such. I still want. And being an only child (for the most part) I always have sibling need/jealousy. To have someone experience your life with you, bear witness to the major developments along the path, and then to have that someone to always go back to, that understands… Yeah. This movie has ruined me.

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2. 10 Things I Hate About You

First off, I will forever be smitten with Heath Ledger. That will never end, even though he’s gone from this life. This movie has helped ruin my expectations of men. I will always want the wooing, the fun dates, the guy that chooses me over everything else that is offered to him. Who doesn’t want paint ball fights that lead to amazing kisses, and to be wooed by song in front of everyone and their gym teacher? And let’s not even get into my body issues when looking at Julia.

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3. Hope Floats

The house is awesome, once again. So is Sandra’s hair. But that’s not ruined me for life. The leaving your cheating husband, going home and falling in love with it for once, managing to make long dormant dreams become a reality, finding love with the guy that never lost interest in you, who is also willing to stand up to you when your crazy gets in the way, helping your child overcome the harsh realities inherent in life, and learning to love yourself despite your obvious weaknesses and flaws? Yeah. None of my divorces ended that way. Also, I want that porch swing/bench badly.

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4. Labyrinth

This movie has ruined many a life expectation, but I’ll keep this short. I want to attend a masquerade that is this bad ass. I don’t know if they are even a thing, but I want. WANT. I also want to attend this, dressed as she is, with my love dressed as he is. But you try to get a guy into leggings nowadays, see how well that works out for you.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in movie Mr and Mrs Smith

5. Mr & Mrs Smith

Oh boy. This one. Finding someone you mesh well enough with to pull of tandem shooting THAT hot? Want. To wake up to him bringing you coffee after a romantic/sexy dance in the rain? Want. The house is also awesome. But the one thing (besides the tandem shooting) that gets me every time? I SO WANT TO DRIVE MY MINIVAN THE WAY SHE DOES. I cannot even begin to explain. I fucking CRAVE doing anything remotely that kick ass with a vehicle. I cannot watch this movie and then drive anywhere immediately after. The kids look at me all crazy when I do.

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6. P.S. I Love You

Can you say romance, from beyond the grave? Mmhm. He loves her so much, that he’s doing all he can to help her live after he’s gone. That’s true love buddy. And good luck to any man who could ever pull that off. It’s an unrealistic expectation to the extreme. And how realistic their relationship was and wasn’t? Ugh. How do you explain to a guy that yes, argue with me, but also come back to me telling me that you love me, adore me, can’t bloody breathe without me? Because, you know, all we want is to be adored, even when highly pissed off. Yeah. Sure. That’ll happen. Just like when you plan out how to help me get over losing you by sending me on a trip halfway across the world, with money that we really don’t have for you to pull it off with. Also, do a sexy and hilarious dance for me to bring my mood back around. Because you guys do that, the movie says so! Oh, and for the love of God, someone get me the shoes she wears on her birthday.